When we encounter unknown territory whether it be situations, tasks, or people, we look to those around us to help us understand how to navigate. When you follow you are letting others guide you. Now this is actually quite important. A friend of mine opened my eyes to the concept that following is a learning opportunity to see a new perspective in the way of doing something. They also spoke that instead of leading a front and not quite knowing what your doing, to let people come to you to which you'll lead." It's interesting to ponder this for a moment, I know I had to.
Now ironically there is actually two different versions of following: blindly following and following with leadership (personal leadership of yourself).
When we blind follow, we believe others knowledge to be better than our own; in that moment we think we know nothing and their understanding will help better our own.
When we become a follower with leadership (or a personal leader) we ensure that we constantly check in with ourselves. Though our exterior knowledge is small, our interior knowledge and past experiences and in the moment feelings are extensive. This ensures we don't get swept up in how others do it and expect ourselves to do it the same. It allows us to stay true to ourselves and know when we are reaching our limits.
To be a personal leader - learn and self evaluate and self act are key.
If you just follow without tuning into how your feeling and not act on how your feeling, then you are blind following in my opinion. To blind follow is to follow what others do without taking a moment to see if where you are going or what you are doing, sits right with you. It puts you at danger of getting swept up into what you might not want and creates those moments that only once your immersed do you have that, "oh sh*t moment."
We want to avoid that. It's better to make a mistake on terms we agreed with than terms that we just went with. When we tune in and act and demonstrate that we remain our own leader as we follow someone else's leadership, it allows us to decide if what is being said or done resonates with us. If for some reason we think it does but then it doesn't, this is a conscious mistake. When its conscious, its easier to point out what we didn't realize sooner and where we could have changed our direction to stay better aligned with ourselves.
When we just go with what others are saying or doing and we don't allow ourselves to reevaluate if this sits right, this is where we become prone to that blind follow. When we just go with it, it can feel like a matter of catch up or with the group but not actually with the group. Sometimes we blind follow when we feel like we want to fit in.
However, this can make us prone to think that those we are lead by are leading the way that is going to be most helpful to us. They are more stand-in leaders than helpful leaders. Like the substitute teacher. They know stuff, but may not know how to manage or where about the class is at to be most helpful. Compared to the main teacher who is more in tune with each student and the material which is currently studied.
To trust what those say to be truthful when you, yourself don't actually have any background knowledge to be able to differentiate if what they are saying can be trusted and is truthful; can lead you to feeling like you are in over your head or like you should have come more prepared.
Sometimes we are more in tune with ourselves in certain situations than in others. This is more so true in instances we feel more grounded and self aware. If we know our values in a situation and we can stand true in who we are, than it makes it easier to follow with awareness and action. We choose if we want to stay or not, and we don't let others words or action change what we know is right for us.
In this little story I didn't quite take on my own leadership till the very end. Like most lessons where we weren't totally aligned with ourselves, we don't learn them till we have gone through the experience and fully had time to ponder and reflect. An important note, self acting is the important one - it allows you to take charge of yourself and do what's right for you. I have laid out points where I did and didn't accomplish this.
I went skiing with some friends one time out in BC in the mountains. We ducked under some rope to go off-piste in-bounds. I was hesitate to duck under a rope to an area I hadn't been, as my thoughts linked to the idea it was roped off for a reason. This was my first self awareness.
However, after I asked one of the skiers I was with what lies ahead (if a cliff might be near), I was simply told that the terrain was all good, and that there shouldn't be a worry. This was a partial self act as I inquired, however, in blind following your need to fit in can have you only half listen to yourself. So, still cautious, I ducked under the rope.
A few paces and the skier tells me that they don't quite know what is a head, but that 'it's all good, we will find out.' This doesn't ensure me to feel any better, but I continue to follow. We approach another roped area this time with a sign that says 'Cornice.' Now anyone that skis is suppose to know that this wind-peaked like a wave on the side of the mountain can become an avalanche if certain snow persists, there is a specific way to enter them if it's safe, and that there are different entry points to avoid getting in over your head.
One gentleman went under and sent it, but the rest went around and so I followed with that (self awareness then self acted). I knew that I didn't want to ski over the cornice and though others chose to go around and I followed that motion, it sit better with my skier capabilities. And glad I did so because the next section was moguls.
Medium to big powderyish ones, where a pole plant is a joke because the snow is so deep your pole sinks so far down not able to fully support your turn. As most of the skiers I was with conquer the hill no problem or take it medium paced, I went slow, traversing much of the way, wondering what I had gotten myself into.
A fellow skier I was with asked if I was alright; uncertainly toned I said something along the lines of, 'alright but could be better.' With that I went slower, really focusing on staying balanced, the others were down the hill and out of sight now. When I got to the bottom and look at what I just concurred, I was slightly pissed no one told me we were about to do that, but proud I managed.
Then I saw the sign that states that the area I went through was an avalanche hazard zone. Now, in bounds means that the area is patrolled, but off-piste in bounds still means that avalanches could occur. Reading this I was not impressed. Not only cause I was unaware of an area that additional safety knowledge comes highly recommended that I didn't have, but I was left alone at one point, and only just saw possibly where the others went. This is where blind following can take you into an area you don't wish to approach.
It's important to note though, that you are always looked out for. That every time you make a mistake you learn from it and that every moment (which is faster than any form of time), you can change what your doing. To say don't let fitting in suppress your ability to do what's right for you is a big statement. However, even if you have it in the back of your mind, each experience will be easier to stay true to yourself, your abilities and wants.
Now, though this grand story you might think ends here, it does not. Oh I blind followed to fit in to the highest in this one. Learn from my experience: if it does not sit right, just turn around. Sometimes you can realize just how strong you are and really get out of your comfort zone, but sometimes its easier to work your way up to better enjoy that out of comfort zone, knowing that you will make it safe to the bottom.
So, I partially caught up with the group that were leading to some trees. I had done trees before so I wasn't too concerned, but at the moment I just wanted to know I was back to the bottom flat safely. Well the trees started to get closer together, trying to follow I then couldn't see where my skier friends went, and I notice that there is a steep steep decline (a cliff) and I am beyond not impressed and now wondering how on earth I am to get down. I speak out loudly for the one skier that asked if I was good on the moguls. No answer. I call again and they answer and appear. I mention how I can't do a cliff and that I need their help to get down and they say they'll help me.
With just knowledge from my level 2 ski certification but not much knowledge regarding off piste cliffs, I do my best to follow the skier down, slide slipping most of the run. I clarify if the route I am being taken down is safe; with the answer being 'absolutely' in a humbled tone, I proceed. This is where I had to follow again, however, I was in tune with myself both awareness and action. I was ready to take my skis off and walk or butt-slide down the slope if I really felt I could not mange. However, I knew skiing it would be easier and I decided to trust my friend to help.
After slide-slipping over tracker tire size moguls within a 2 meter width, we finally got down to the bottom. So grateful my friend helped me, I provided a big sincere 'thank you.' When I asked where we just came down I was shown that we basically dropped down just beside the main part of the cliff where you could jump if you liked. This was where some of the rest of the group was. Not thrilled or impressed they took me down that without warning, or a heads up before we got to the cliff, I decided that my day skiing that terrain was done.
After clarifying how to get to a different chairlift and reassurance that I don't have to go back up the chair to get to where I wanted to go, I ducked under the chairlift line rope. When I was asked where I was going I simply said something like, "I don't have the guts to do what we just did. I can't do cliffs. I'll see you later." I scooted off proud and upset a little. Proud that I finally truly showed self awareness but then self action. And upset cause no one gave me any warning when I asked, but also cause I cared more about fitting in and being able to hang, then I did about my own self integrity.
A wild story right.
In the end I now know that I CAN get down a steep cliff safely. I learned that you pick who you ski with wisely. But most of all stay true to you. I was safe and I knew I would be, I believe in angels and that I am guided, however I know that its important to not just run into iffy situations and expect to be saved every time - a lesson has to be learned.
I also am aware that was a total push out of my comfort zone, which is a good thing in a way. Had I been told about what we were gonna to be doing I would not have continued, however, I am glad to know I can do it. The next step is doing it at a pace and step by step lead up that is more safe with proper prep so the out of comfort is in a more controlled safety ensured space.
So, blind following in my situation I had a whirl wind of a time. Yes I was safe in the end and that is all that matters, but I learned an important lesson to not just follow without self alignment. When we realize we have the ability to change our decision and direction in every moment we empower ourselves to become self leaders.