Becoming What You Already Are

Power & Grace of Yoga

Yoga was the missing piece I was so desperately looking for and yet knew all along.

Life is an unfolding that truly stands by its effortless timing.

My Journey

When I embarked on this journey it began when I was at one of the ultimate low points, without much detail it went from not leaving my house due to paranoia and over analyzation (which in short term is: scared-shitless) to embarking across an ocean to complete a yoga teacher training course (a practice I have never really done), on a island in Greece called Amorgos to reclaim the joy I had lost.

However it is important to know that, though at the time it may seemed too small to create ripples, there are steps between this jump that though subtle, made such a difference . Some of us give such little credit to these backwards-forward steps and in the moment they can appear all so worthless and frustrating. And yet it's these little habits that somethings aid in a bigger picture and down the line help turn unsettling times into moments of great knowledge.

And it's the unfolding that added to the depth of the experience.

To start with two factors that are both personal and useful when first getting out of a rut:

Joy & Openness

For me, the so call jump from paranoia to flying across an ocean solo for the first time - it was beginning researching some opportunity that combined travel, tranquility, learning, challenge, good food, and like-minded people to start put a positive focus in my life toward things that brought me joy. This was number one of the subtle step - reharnessing joy.
The second step was being open to practicing a possibly new mentality and lifestyle. Embrace that the way I have been living might be far from the answer and to surrender to and be open for the possibly new information.

Now as I said life intertwines and unfolds exactly as it must. My teacher, the area, the students, the Shala, the philoposhy, the food, the challenge was beyond what I could have imagined.

But most of all it taught me this:

The lifestyle I grew up with (that some where only learning now) was a tangent and part of yogic philosophy, meaning when I felt like I knew so much and always found it so hard to express my knowledge without sounding off - I know had a category that could be more widely understood
The small group of people who believe/share in this same knowledge helped grow my intellect which further aided in my understanding and provided an opportunity to further enhance my learning through intricate questions
Patience and compassion through non-judgment of self and others
Brought routine and a space that could meet me where I am with love and acceptance every single day
Provided a space that brought calm and clarity during the uncalm
Proved that place, healthy food, movement, stillness, timing, and joy are key components to a clarity of mind and body
Most of all it taught me I was far from lost. And many times through the external world we can be manipulated into thinking we are far from our truth because it doesn't match someone else's.

Yet the one thing I found I was spot on with was: What I was saying, the truth of where I was, the concept of not forcing, the alignment of key components listed above in regard to being right place and time of healing. Though my practices weren't always best suited, my intention and knowing was truly absolutely undoubtedly accurate. Learning comes from surrounding the ego and recognizing what you already know.

Now sometimes it's these moments that inflame the ego but through questioning and stillness add to our intellect and humble us.

Timing is Everything:

Below I will simply walk through some of the "coincidences" that seemed to be the same old thing at the time, coping mechanisms that thought to have shown backwards movement were indeed what actually helps us go forward when we're suppose to - Think of when a parent holds there kid back before stepping on something, it seems wrong to resist the child but it lets them go forth with ease when it's safe to do.

I decided I'd lay a few of these important subtle steps out to show just how simple they can be.

When I traveled to Alberta to work at a mountain resort, hour drive either way to the nearest town, I extentuated a coping habit that allowed me to work for the remainder 2 months. This habit though ridiculous of needing to wash everything (which was partially used in previous times) was then already practiced. When I was at this yoga opportunity, during my travels I desperately needed to feel clean again and so because I knew how to do things in regard to cleaning (cause it was practiced so many times before), I didn't have to waste thought on it here and instead I could move quickly to focusing on the purpose of the main yoga.
I grew up with a homeopathic and a naturopathic lifestyle, using home remedies to cure aliments. When I got sunburnt, my neck ached, and stress from the trip to get to the island (three day process between flying across an ocean and a taking six hour long ferry ride), I knew exactly what I needed. Unfortunately I did end up loosing my remedies on my way over during security, but since I also grew up with energy healing, I put as much of the practice in play to feel better (which did include a sob call to my mom). That next morning I knew to ask the spa if there was any alo-vera and though it wasn't purchasable, I was still given some in a small bottle to use.
When I stayed with a wonderful family friend who lived the lifestyle of this yogic philosophy I learned more about this thinking and belief. When I took part in philosophy classes it was no longer about learning new material but because of these past concepts being discussed I could instead focus on depthy questions to enhance both my learning and those around me. I called it what answers am I going to learn that will help me find the main answers I have been looking for.
During school and other times in my life where I needed to stand up for something or express why I couldn't par-take, it was also so hard. Though it usually was accepted, during teacher experiences it always felt my opinion was set aside and only listened to if the parent were to speak up. Yet many times I still did share my issues, but it was always such a gamble, as I felt I would be shunned or embarrassed for standing up for myself. Well at the yoga I had to bring up something to the teacher and I really didn't know how cause I didn't want to offend. However, because I knew this situation so well before I had a plan that if in doubt I just don't show up/go early/it is not elementary where the teacher is in charge of you. Well my worry was for nothing because it was heard and resolved with little questions asked and with full respect. The difference in the way something is handled can truly make and break confidence. I got told my honesty and kind presentation is rare and should be kept. This proved that if you know who you are talking to may not agree but has the respect to know how this may affect you and your learning - that is a main difference.
Elementary truly put so many holds and disciplines on kids it's no wonder we are all scared of authority half the time. Being a "good" kid throughout my life I usually chose to follow the rules and take what was said very seriously. When I got older this started to change and I began questioning the decisions, however there was also one thing I always had trouble with. There was a terrible pop-up history lesson on the Holocaust in grade six - system overload will say the least - and I felt I wasn't allowed to get up and instead sat through the whole video - it was awful. In high school there were times were it was the same and yet when I spoke to a teacher that I could get up and go to a different room though awkward still helped. Come to yoga and have an issue arise where I feel the need to go outside of class. I'm battling with my ego of being embarassed and talked about, and my intellect bringing up what I had always done in the past and how also my mom always said you just go. So I got up and I left. It took years and such strength but because I had the experiences behind me, small occurrences that finally let me know and act with confidence in myself.

During all these times, these backwards steps of the past met with present problem solving allowed me to move forward by meeting me where I am.

How This Can Help YOU

Yoga is a broad concept where you don't have to accept all its tangents at once and is simply a non-judgment, meet-you-where-you-are kind of lifestyle. It's brilliant because it is flexible in so many ways (pardon the pun). Sometimes life tosses us/we fall/we purposely walk in/the list is endless for how and why and what our low points look like. For some they are just looking for a way to harness them back to themself and gracefully climb out of the rut or better yet, avoid falling back in altogether. The best thing yoga provides is this guidance. But guidance is never the final answer, it is simply showing new possibilities, that will aid in the final answer which is only going to be what you choose it to be. And it will change! > The answer will constantly change. As my teacher always said, "every time you step on your mat, it's a new day. Don't think about how good/bad you did yesterday; have no expectations when you step on the mat, just observe and practice with joy and compassion" (Miriam Indes).

Yoga teaches through guidance - shown through asana (postures), pranayama (breath), pratyahara (concentration) samadhi (meditation) and mantras and many more. It shows you where you are at that moment (not for the day or the day before) and it gives you a moment to listen to what your body needs and is asking. It gives it space to release emotions through movement or stillness with a safe space. Yoga is always learning how to simplify - to which can seem so complex, but it's not, just observing it looks like that but the practice its self is very simple.

Healing can be done through yoga - as yoga doesn't require anything but for you to show up for yourself and realize it's alright to not hold on anymore. Now one thing I think is always important to note no matter what you do, is timing is everything. As my teacher would also say "to have someone sit down and mediate with a mind full of thoughts is not going to help them and instead they should practice something else" ( life is a practice), "if your not practicing mediation maybe it's asana maybe it is gardening or cooking, maybe you're just going to be presently eating a meal" (Miriam Indes). In short if you're forcing yourself to do yoga then it's not the right practice right now. Though it is a discipline and is an element of discomfort that comes along with the practice, there is also the element of realizing where you are in your journey. We do not have to conquer and heal absolutely everything within a month and do strenuous isolation and intense mediation - in fact if you're not ready that will make things worse. I can speak from experience as trying to heal your whole life in a short time is an expectation for one and at the same time not where I was. Yes for me it was part of it, but my length and knowledge and location and preparation I chose to do it with wasn't where I should be if I'm choosing to pursue such a detailed clearing. So take it at your own time, you can practice simply the asanas, simply the breathwork, you can do thirty-minutes a day, you don't have to commit to the yogic path if that is not where you are and that's alright too.

Life's journey is the miracle of choice.

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